Epistle
by Irisviel101
Summary: "Atsuya... Thank you. For being by my side." Spurred by loneliness in a day meant to be shared with Atsuya, Shirou writes a letter to his younger brother. I don't own Inazuma Eleven.


**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.**

* * *

It's... It's been a while, Atsuya.

A whole month has passed since we went our separate ways, since you and I finally moved on.

At least, that's what we thought. But even now, I can't let go of what used to be. I know I shouldn't cling to faded memories any longer, but I can't help it.

I have friends now. I'm not alone anymore. But still...

Nothing can compare to my own brother, to my twin. Did you really think I would be able to forget just like that? That I would be able to move on without a second thought? To leave behind everything I held – and still hold – dear?

No. Try as I might, I can't move forward.

At least, not completely.

It's our birthday today – or, I suppose, it's _my_ birthday now. I don't like the sound of that. It's not supposed to be this way.

The team is planning a "surprise" party, but they seem to have forgotten that I can easily them like an open book. I can humor them for a while. After all, they're only trying to make me happy.

This will be the first time I will celebrate it in eight years. Did you know that? I really wish it could have been with you. Back when you and I were one, December 22nd blended into the month like any other day. Neither of us had the heart to celebrate, not without our parents. We would spend the day training, exhausting ourselves until we were unconscious so we wouldn't be plagued by our torturous memories.

The FFI will start in two months. Do you remember how we both used to dream about standing on that field together? How we used to pretend to play in that tournament? All our desires of being stars?

I will do my best to be selected. It would be almost like a dream come true.

Almost, because if it were really a dream turned reality, then you would have been right next to me.

Do you remember the way we were always trying to be perfect? It seems silly now, but back then, it was all we could think about. I'm not trying to be "perfect" anymore. I'm not even sure what that word means anymore. It's as if the word was masqueraded and has just shown it's true colors.

I really wish this life was a dream come true. Then you and I would be able to see each other again, to talk face to face, even if it was just once more.

It's meaningless, but I still wish for a future with you. Alas, it is not meant to be, for you were fated to disappear before, to fall like a leaf in autumn – or rather like leaf that was supposed to fall in autumn but met it's end in spring.

Remember when I used to say that autumn was my favorite season? I'm not quite sure anymore. After all, it was that season when you all were taken from me. You were destined to fall along with those orange leaves, and I was left all alone in an alien world, a green leaf amongst the thousands of orange ones.

I wonder; will I ever be able to escape from the shadows of the past? Or am I always going to be impaled by those memories cracked like glass?

I still remember the way we always argued about who the team captain would be before every match. I wish we could do that again, even only once more. I miss all our innocent fights, our petty arguments.

I miss everything to do with you. With all of you. Mom, Dad and you, my little brother.

You were always the stronger one of the two of us. When I fall asleep, I visit the past. I recall everyday the way you would always scare away my bullies, the way you would always protect me from others. I wake up from nightmares and expect you to be there just like how you used to be all those years ago.

It's sad, really, that you were always stronger and yet, I'm the one who's still living in this cruel world.

I wonder. If you were in my place, what would you do? Am I doing what you would have wanted me to? Are my actions making you and our parents proud? I sure wish that was the case.

I'm supposed to be happy today, aren't I? But all I feel is sad and alone. Even when I'm surrounded by friends, I'm still lonely. It feels as if I'm an alien living in the world of humans, as if I'm supposed to be somewhere else even when I know that's not the case.

Sometimes, I wish our – I'm not going to say "my", it doesn't feel right – aunt, uncle and cousin were you guys instead. I'm supposed to be grateful that they took me in and let me live with them, right? That's what Aunt Mariko says. Yet I can't find it in myself to be happy.

It's not them that I want to live with. It's you.

I would like to say that I'm happy living with them, but that would be a lie. A huge one. And it's not just because I miss you guys.

I don't like them. Any of them. They only remind me of what I don't have, what I have lost forever. It's almost like they're rubbing it in by reminding me that I had a different life before. Uncle Hiroshi and Aunt Mariko are usually fighting. It seems as if they will be getting a divorce soon. I hope will be upset.

He hasn't changed at all. He's still the annoyingly demanding, spoiled child that he used to be when we were little kids. I was hoping he would have grown out of it, but it wasn't my first futile hope.

Do you remember how he would always boss us around – or tried to in your case – whenever we or they visited? I wish I could go back and teach my younger self some defiance instead of remaining submissive. Do you remember that one time when you punched him for trying to hit me because I wouldn't listen to him. What was he making me do, anyways? All I remember is that it was something dangerous.

I never really got to thank you for it. And, I suppose, this will be the closest I'll ever get to doing it.

I remember having nightmares for weeks after that, but you were always so uncharacteristically patient in that week. It was in that week, I think, that you said to me, "I'll always be here with you."

It was a vow you kept. You even defied death to fulfill your promise.

Atsuya... Thank you.

For being by my side.

* * *

The window was open. Crickets echoed in the room almost completely swallowed by darkness. He knew he shouldn't be there, but the young soul couldn't bring himself to care. He had a feeling that he was needed.

A translucent figure slipped into the dark room, unnoticed. His pink hair stood out in the unlit room. Teal-gray eyes scanned the room restlessly.

He wasn't supposed to be there. He knew it. The realms of the living and the dead were better left apart. It was a lesson he had learned the hard way. Fubuki Atsuya swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry, as he recalled what he had had to do, the pain he had had to inflict on his own older brother.

_It had been for the best. He would have never let go otherwise._

The thought, though a fact, did little to comfort him. It wasn't because he had been left behind. He didn't mind that, not if it was for his brother. But the thought of hurting the person he cared for the most didn't sit well with him.

He glanced at the bed, taking in the familiar silver hair and the face he had come to know so well under the covers, blissfully ignorant.

A small smile made it's way to his face as he watched the sleeping boy. Though every cell in his body told him not to, Atsuya reached out. Gently, he stroked his brother's hair, watching as a smile of content involuntarily made it's way to Shirou's face.

Worry bubbled within him. Though it felt wrong to feel that way, he couldn't help but wish he had been there instead of his brother. That way, Shirou wouldn't have to deal with that loneliness that made Atsuya hear his beckoning call in the first place.

Shirou was all alone in that cruel world, and Atsuya wondered if he could bear the brunt of it. Shirou was too trusting, too naive to survive in such a selfish world. Atsuya worried about him, and it was that worry that made him wander back to that realm every night.

Retracting his hand, Atsuya glanced around the room not for the first time. It was neat, almost as if no one had lived in it for a long time. He couldn't help but smirk. _As expected from Aniki._

Suddenly, his eyes locked on to the desk. Normally, he didn't care for what was on it since it was usually homework – he gagged at the thought of the torture everyone put children through.

What made him stop was a sheet with his name on it.

Curiously, he reached out and grabbed the paper, his eyes scanning the contents almost hesitantly. And when he was finished, Atsuya was left with mixed feelings.

_Aniki wrote a letter... To me..._

His eyes traced the last two lines that were stained with tears.

_"Atsuya... Thank you._

_For being by my side."_

Biting his lips, the ghost glanced at the sleeping boy. Mentally, he weighed his options. He had learned not to mess with the world of the living the hard way. Interacting with living people directly was the same as breaking the law. He had been lucky before, he had gotten away with it without too much of a punishment for being a minor.

But no one said anything about indirect interactions...

Decision made, Atsuya grabbed a nearby blank paper. Uncapping the pen discarded on the table, he began his epistle.

_"Aniki..."_

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**Word count: 1731**


End file.
